Never Anger a Bard


I may seem harmless, that's what you're supposed to think,
Always good for a laugh and a song and a drink,
But one day when you've done something you wouldn't normally do,
And you're praying everyone's forgotten, well, I'll be there to remind you.

Chorus:
Never anger a bard for it will live forever in song,
And forever is a very long time,
To hear the broken verse,
And the even worse rhymes.

To tell embarrassing tales I have special dispensation,
No one bothers to try and edit what they view as recreation,
If you are someone important I'll bother you night and day,
Till you tell me of your deeds long ago just to get me out of the way.

Chorus:
Never anger a bard for it will live forever in song,
And forever is a very long time,
To hear the broken verse,
And the even worse rhymes.

I reserve the right to chop and add it's called poetic license,
You may not like my poetry because it often doesn't rhyme,
And we have to have a good ending either the hero defeats the mage,
Or else he gets the girl or else they all go up in a blaze -
That's called a ballad.

I'd like an established hero or else a complete unknown,
I don't want someone who's mediocre unless he's far away from home,
I'd rather have a crushing defeat than a journey that never went wrong,
Unless you think that our hero's feet were guided by Gods all along -
Then it's an epic.

Now between you and me I'm getting tired or writing the same old thing,
I'd give a lot for a story without a dragon or a magic ring,
So bring me a tale of a practical joke or something nasty you've done,
And I'll write you a song like nothing you've heard,
But of course it will never be sung.

Chorus:
Never anger a bard for it will live forever in song,
And forever is a very long time,
To hear the broken verse,
And the even worse rhymes.